Horror Blog! 4-29-11

          Once upon a time, in a dank smelling basement, there were a few potheads. These kids had smoked way too much pot and were becoming paraniod. They heard a rumble in the cieling and they thought the world was coming to an end. "2011!!!" one kid shouted, pretending that the mayan calender said that the world was gonna end in 2011. The potheads freaked out and ran outside for some reason. One kid climbed a tree, the others hid in bushes, one even jumped in a trash can. What were they even hiding from?

          At that point in time it happened to be 1:47 AM. They were only 16 years old so they were out past curfew. As they settled down and realized that hiding was stupid because there was nothing to hide from, they met up at in the middle of the street. "WOOP WOOP!" A cop car came blazing by as the kids were in the street. "Stay right there, I have authority over you!" a sound coming from the cop car made. The cop got out of the car and gave the kids curfew tickets and sent them back to their friends house. They went back into the dank basement.

          "Ahhhh going outside was so superfluous, why did we even go outside. We could have got caught bros." one kid stated while lighting up his pot pipe. The kids passed around the pot pipe like it was new gossip, it went around and around.

          After a while a thunderstorm had appeared, the power was off and the lights were off. Someone started knocking on the door. The wood cieling kept creaking, Thunder struck the house! "BOOM!" The kids hid in the darkest corner of the basement along with cabinets filled with old files and boardgames. They were really scared. Something swiped a kid on his arm and they heard an enthusiastic voice saying "Game Over!"

          The lights turned on.

The Onion.

Prostitute or psychologist?

Evidence from a local survey says prostitutes are being more of a psychologist then a sexual service. The survey provided by "Survey Pimpz" surveyed samples of 100 males who pick up prostitutes and 100 females who provide them with these services. 

Local celebrity and "John" Joe Goff says, "There are times in my life where I just need someone there for me, these prostitutes provide me with these services. They are cheaper than a Psychologist and about 1/9 of them give me good advise!"

It also makes it easy on these "Cheap Psychologists". Local "Jane" exclaims, "All I have to do is listen to him and he gives me money! Why doesn't everyone do this for money....wait don't quote me, I don't want people to take my business..."

With the economy the way it is now, psychologists are going to be extinct in the near future due to services provided by local prostitutes. Everybody with a degree in psychology is going to become bankrupt because of the loans they have to pay back and now there degree means nothing. The world will then come to an end.

"That was some adventure, huh?" 4-14-11

          He always listens to his ipod on the way to work. Anything from the Red Hot Chili Peppers to Wiz Khalifa floated his boat. Except country, he hated country. He didnt have a car so he always biked. Biking was his everything, thats how he would get around. He would bike with friends, and to the beach, and to school, just everywhere he was with his bike. With his busy life, it was hard for him to set aside time to go to the local bike shop and buy some bike lights for biking late at night, so he biked without lights.
          He usually had the 7pm to 9pm lifeguard shift at the local YMCA. By the time he got off work it was pretty dark outside and kinda scary considering the rough neighborhood surrounding him. At around 9:08 pm he would take off into the darkness, into the unlit streets of Minneapolis. He has experienced people yelling at him, chasing him, cops pulling people over, hearing gun shots nearby. As I said before, it was a pretty rough neighborhood.
          On a cold tuesday night in the fall, he headed on home after his shift was over. Half way home he realized there weren't any cars around so he pulled his iPod Touch out and turned his music up. He could only hear the howling wind brushing against ear buds. As he got closer and closer to home, he got colder and colder, only wearing a thin sweater, cargo shorts, shoes, and a helmet. The wind gusted hard at him and as he looked over "BAM!" he was hit. He was out like a light. Little did he know, there was a car chase behind him in the street. The car in front didnt see him because he didnt have lights.
          He woke up in a white room, confused, as he didn't know where he was. He wanted to look at what he was connected to but he couldn't move his head. The door creaked open and a doctor presented himself as Doctor Wayne. He looked in his face and said "That was some adventure, huh?"